Darkness is the Matriarch

Darkness is the matriarch
Calling me back home
Her patch of daises overturned
The stark whiteness of her dress
Bleach blonde hair
Smells of chlorine
and pesticide
Laughter rings from the babe's mouth
Pulled up in a little smirk grin
She bathes it in blood and filth
I hold the towel
Standing naked, wet, and shiny.
My ass is her funny play thing.
Darkness smacks it hard.
Tumbling into bed, I tremble as she hugs me.
She is my blanket for the night.
My mother left me here long ago
To wander in the shadows
Dew dropped and dreary eyed
I pound away my earnings
Swept the barren floors
But each evening she comes to me
With dark thick straight eyelashes
With a dark glimmering eye
and Smooth sailor's tongue
Darkness kisses me every night.
And every night
I dream of night
and every morning
I drink of death
The hallowed halls shriek with ghosts
Their echoes make ghastly tombs
For the house of the matriarch
When she buries the dead.

I just want to know, love

If I could hold you, would you touch me?
Would you hug me? Kiss me? Love me?
Or would you throw me in the dust, like a musty smelly old used towel.
I'll love you to the ends of the earth.
Broken hearted and alone.
I will still love you, even if you love another.
How will I know that you love me?
In our darkest hour, when time threatens to destroy us,
Will you hold me?
Or will you just ignore me, glad to be rid of me forever.
How can I know when nothing is certain.

A poem

This path that I am wandering on
Is full of mystery
Once paved with dark and eerie death
Now paved with light and mirth.
The angels they are calling to me,
Singing their somber songs.
Goats and fishes dance with dishes,
And so I stay for tea.
Who knows where I shall go,
Who knows how it will all end?
Only fate knows for certain,
What is around the next bend.

No title

Death is a masterpiece.
Carved in dark wood and ebony
It sheds no light
Death can be intricate
Carved with a delicate hand and crafty mind
Or death can be simple
Just a plan black blade will do
Our lives are repeated
In hopes of changing things
and when they change
it comes to us like the surprise birthday party we never had
Funny, how the moon looks so old
Her beams of radiance
She is proof that there is lightness in the darkest of times
There is always a light at the end of a tunnel
No matter how many times you've repeated living
One day you will shine
~Kelly Heikkila

No title

The waves crasehd against the sully shore
Calling Calling Calling me home.
Boats lay moored in the quaint harbor
While the storm labored on
Moaning with pain
Groaning and Grunting with every stress gained
I stare out the window
At my broken past
It smells of herring
Sweet berries of summer
Love I once knew
Now gone forever.
I clutch my ring, weave it through my fingers
He promised me:
I'll be safe
He promised me:
I'll be back
I see his boat sinking in the distance
Emotion crashs over me like a tide
And I hear him calling my name
As I walk to sea
To the shore
And there I fufill MY promise:
I will be with you forever.
Because I love you.

-Kelly Heikkila

Cycles of Life and Cyborgs

I think I'm losing weight.
Which is good, I need to lose some weight.
So today I need to walk Miika, and I will probably ride my bike around the neighborhood as well.
I feel fresh today.
Actually I felt fresh the last two days as well.
No no I don't mean fresh like-the bad kind of fresh.
I mean fresh like: energized, new, vibrant, want to go places kind of 'fresh'.
When I feel 'fresh' I usually dress nicer too.
Ironically I always feel this way after my monthly gift.
How weird it is the cycles we Women go through.
I feel pretty for a while (a couple of weeks or so) then I'll just feel normal, casual. Then I might get super depressed or ultra moody when I'm PMS-ing.
It's weird how that happens.
Makes me wonder what life will be like after menopause, with no cycles to rely on.
In fact, more or less, everyone in the world relies on cycles.
The cycles of daily life, of nature, of the seasons.
I live in the northern hemisphere, so we get snow, and I can't imagine life without the seasons.
Where would I be without summer to fall back on? The season of plenty abundance and the season to enjoy life? Where would I be without spring, my favorite season, the season where plants begin to grow and life starts again innocent and beautiful. Where would we be without fall to ruminate in-giving thanks at thanksgiving and preparing for the cold winter ahead. Where would be If we didn't have xmas or chanukah songs in our heads all year round, just waiting for that holiday to spring up, a celebration of 'the days getting longer' 'light returning to earth' the winter solstice!
We rely on the holidays and the seasons.
When we move to a new place however, we must adapt.
Up north the winters are longer, down south there are barely any 'seasons' just warmer or cooler.
Our rythmic clock is patterned to where we live and how we live our lives.
Perhaps that is why we do not have a biological clock attuned to the magnetic poles like birds, cows, butterflies, and other animals.
This makes us more adapatable.
A blank slate makes us more adaptable.
We may envy other creatures for super human strength and ability
but it is in fact our blank slate that has made us conquer the world. Our high rate of adaptability.
We have no fur-and advantage if you can make clothes with your hands, suiting yourself to whatever environment you live in.

And yet-we are so un-connected to our daily rythmns nowadays.
Who can recall or name a point in the pattern they look forward too-
the wildflowers coming back in the spring, the robins arriving, the cardinals coming back, can you pinpoint what season this occurs? No?

By making ourselves technology geniuses we have become disconnected with the world we live in.
Technology is a good thing.
In fact, technology has helped us develop mentally.
You would be in an entirely different mental state if you lived like someone in the 70's, then someone in 1910, then someone in 2010.
I can see hints of a future where the technologies we develop are put inside us.
I've heard of research being done on an 'electronic hippocampus'-the part of the brain that learns.
All you would have to do, is plug in and download a new language.
Considering how fast the rate of technology developments is going
PHENONMENAL compared to the 20th century, I can see us in the near future very much technologically advanced.
We may have technology help us so much that we become 'cyborgs'.
and in the far far far far far away future
one day me may be able to emulate life itself.
be able to grow a heart, kidney, liver, tissue, a human.
What if we managed to make a human capable of super strength by altering the genes of the human so that when it grows it will have stronger muscles.

I'm getting off topic, forgive me, after all this is a random blog.

Othello Rehearsal

Boy did we have a treat on Monday!
I went to see the first othello rehearsal @ CASE!
This was very interesting, and I will discuss what happened and my thoughts here.
.....The dim murmuring of voices could be heard as me and my drama teacher, Rick Hamilton, followed the small corridor. We came to a door that said: Rehearsal Hall and we pushed open the door. The dim murmur was now a bunch of garkle, and we were greeted by a light brunette holding a clip board and a cup of Starbucks coffee. "Hello," she quiped, "Can I help you?" "Yes" said my drama teacher, "I'm Rick Hamilton, and this is Kelly Heikkila from the Montessori High School." "Oh! So you're who I've been emailing with back and forth, and now I've met you in person." the girl cracks a smile and laughter is hiding behind her face. She looks exuberantly happy, and must be one of those awfully chronic cheerful people who like to brighten everybody's day. Sadly, I happen to be one of those people. My drama teacher clears his throat, "We're looking for Kelly, the stage manager....?" "Oh, she stepped out for a moment but she'll be here soon." Rick and I turn to face the room, which is large, with a vaulted ceiling covered in old fashioned wood panels. In fact the height of the ceiling is bigger then the Room. I wonder why they made it that way. People file in from the door, all college students, and I am unable to tell their age because they all look so young. Eventually the other Kelly, the stage manager, walks in. You know who she is right away, because she has that sort of 'in control and demanding' gait that assertive woman walk with. Eventually everyone is settled and the director introduces himself to the actors and to us, in part. The actors introduce themselves, as do the tech designer, scene designer, and dramaturg. The guests, meaning us, make our introductions. The CASE students look really interested and happy about the fact that we were from Montessori and that I an IB student, which is apparent from their squabbling and quabbling nodding their heads yes saying 'oh how interesting' and then pouring their attention back to their director, who has something important to say. The director is setting Othello during the Boer war, and this interests me for several reasons. The first being, it completely fits with the theme and story of Othello to put it during the Boer war. A popular setting is in south during reconstruction, but the boer war makes much more sense. He then goes over how we wants to vision to be put out. He will not change any of the names, though he is changing the male role of Desdemona's father to be, instead, a female who is a wealthy land owner. How interesting, I think. When I read Othello perhaps it will tell me why that change has been made. Then the scene designer goes over the set, which has drawn inspiration from the tulu warrior tribe of South africa (from which othello will be from) he also says that the furniture will start out african but end biritish colonial. And the bed that Desdemona is murdered in is a British Colonial bed. That is a good prophetic tool. the lighting will be colorful and fiery, though at some times the actors will step from a lighted up part to a 'less light' or dark part, so it looks as if there faces go from light to dark.

This rehearsal taught me a lot about plays. I saw the dynamics between the small cast, and how they were able to produce a production. And I saw how a production could be put on, and the different roles in putting on a production such as the tech designer, and the dramturg, and the director, the stage manager, the scene designer, the music guy, etc.

I cannot wait for us at Montessori to do our production.
Our school is small and we will do a bunch of one acts.
One will be a drama and One will be a comedy.

I am seeing Emma this saturday, and am looking forward to it.
another entry about that will come soon.
~Kelly